"Maisy, will you love me when I am very, very old? When I'm as wrinkled as your feet after the bath?"
My five-year-old Maisy girl loves to snuggle in her bed for a bit before she goes to sleep. It gives her one-on-one time and a sense of security. Truth be told, it gives me all of that, too. On those nights when I am just counting down to bedtime so I can move into mommy time, I balk and even complain. Shame on me. I really love lying close to her in the dark, smelling her strawberry shampoo hair or that hot smell kids get outside in the summer. (There is something primal about smelling your own child, isn't there?)
When I let her coax me away from the world and into that flowery butterfly bed, I stop time from passing. I am a sorceress freezing the planet in its spin. She tells me about her day, what she will name her children someday.
So I don't know why it was so startling when she answered my question tonight.
"Of course, Mommy. I will always love you."
And then she said,
"And when I go to heaven, I will look for you."
My eyes teared almost before I processed what she had just said.
Since our golden retriever, Clare, died a few years ago, Maisy is full of questions about heaven and Clare living with God. She has told me that when she goes to heaven, she will ask God if Clare can be her dog in heaven. She could do worse.
"Well, that won't be for a very long time, honey."
"Will you know who I am, Mommy?"
"Yes, honey. I am sure God will always help me know who you are."
"What will God say?"
"When, Maisy?"
"When He comes and picks you up. He will pick you up and take you to heaven someday. What will He say?"
I am not one who is often speechless. This did it.
"Well," I forced out, "I think he will say..."
My mind, all of a sudden, went perfectly still. A master's degree in theology doesn't mean squat in the face of a preschooler's theological questions - ask any pastor.
And then, all of a sudden, I knew.
"I think God will say, 'Hi. I'm glad to see you.'"
God, in my life - my wifeing, parenting, teaching, daughtering, loving, being - help me always deserve to hear those words from You.
